she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
