I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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