i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
