I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
