Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
