Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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