this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
