Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
