i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
