In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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