I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
