I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
