I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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