Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
