The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
