Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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