I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
