I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
