Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
