dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
