dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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