You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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