Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
