first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
