We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
