Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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