Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
