how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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