Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am naked and annoyed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
