I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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