I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
