I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
