I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
