Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
