I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
