I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
