What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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