Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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