put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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