you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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