Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
