I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
