I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
