My friends, they love my intelligence
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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