Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
