The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
