my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
