why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
