need another drink. this is the easiest way
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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