The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
