Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
