I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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