why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
